Steve Frey
Dear Bobcats, Blue Demons, Bruins, Cougars, Eagles and every other student in the area, welcome to the new school year!
This is going to be your best year ever. The year will be, after all, what YOU make it.
You have some big choices about how you want your year to go. You’ve been in school for a few days, so you have gotten to know your teachers and their expectations, and you have also gotten to know who the other students will be in your classes. This is where some personal decisions come into play.
First, what kind of person do you want to be? The choice, you know, is really up to you.
Whether you’re shy or outgoing, athletic or not so much, wealthy or struggling or any of many other combinations, you can do anything with your life you want, and you can change the course of your life at any time (true for adults too, though many forget it). It’s up to you.
Some students try to live up to a particular kind of image. They want to stand out in some way.
Some feel this is a route to making and keeping friends, so they do or say things to be popular. The truth is you don’t have to do any of that. You just need to be you.
If you show people that you care about them, go out of your way to be a friend to others and think about their needs, they will usually appreciate you for the person you are.
Throughout your life, you are going to meet all kinds of people. Those who show off in high school are often the same people who feel the need to show off as adults.
Students who put others down (they may be angry or want to feel powerful), often continue to act that way as adults.
On the other hand, people who are comfortable with themselves don’t need to put others down. They see that as childish and sometimes vengeful.
It’s hard to believe now, but life will fly by. Just ask a grandparent—they’ll tell you. A lot of them will remember being in your shoes like it was yesterday. They had many of the same fears, hopes and dreams you do.
Everyone wants to be happy, have friends, feel loved and experience life. For some, things came easy; but for others, there were some difficult turns. Life is like that. Everyone can expect bumps in the road now and then.
However, you have what it takes to be happy in high school and life. Everything you need is right inside you and accessible at any time. You have an internal guidance system: your heart and your mind.
Let’s talk about the heart first. You can have the kindest heart in the world and still be the most intense, hardest-hitting linebacker on the football team.
You have been taught the importance of treating others the way you want to be treated. It may have been at the dinner table, in church or in elementary school.
What you send out to the world comes back to you. If you send out love, you will receive it back, but if you project hatred, prejudice or anger, that will come back to you, too.
Then there is the mind. You have developed a great ability to distinguish between right and wrong.
You can reason through problems and solve them by thinking about the consequences of decisions. There are always consequences, so choose wisely.
The point is, you have the ability and free will to make decisions and understand how they will affect your life.
Things work out best when hearts and minds work together. Some of the most despicable people in history have made decisions without involving their hearts.
Some others, using only their hearts, have not seen results coming because they didn’t think through a problem.
Again, using your heart and mind in unison will produce the best outcomes. When in doubt, though, go with your heart. And, if you make a mistake, don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry. We all make mistakes—plenty of them.
Okay, you are all set! You are not going to worry about what others think but do what is right. Check. You’ll use both your heart and mind in making decisions. Check. If you do make a mistake, you’ll apologize and, if possible, correct it. Check.
But what about others?
You have heard the term “bullying” for years. You have seen it. What can you do when it happens?
Don’t be a bystander. You don’t have to lecture anyone or make a huge stand, but don’t condone it with silence or worse, laughter.
Here is a technique that works well. If you can, walk over to the person being bullied, say to no one in particular, “We don’t do that,” take the person by the arm and walk away together. It’s quick, simple, and without a major confrontation. It’s even better when some friends do it together.
Then talk with the person being bullied. Let him know that you care and that in you, they have a friend.
Decide on whether to speak to an adult based on the severity (people can ignore a snide remark, but other things—not so much) of the incident. If it is repetitive or threatening, definitely let someone know. When in doubt, share.
You may not immediately solve the problem, but you have done something. For the person being bullied, it will mean the world.
Wouldn’t it be great if no one felt alone? Wouldn’t it be fabulous if everyone had friends and support? You and your friends have the chance to make that happen. Plus, the more good people who decide to support every classmate (every single classmate—leave no one behind), the less chance for bullying.
Talk about this with your friends. Then, as a group, discuss it with your student council or another student group. Talk it over with your teammates in the sports you play. Discuss it in clubs and other activities. Be a leader.
The world needs more people like you and your friends. Working together, you can make your school a fantastic place for EVERY student.
There are hurting or lonely students in your school hallways every day. Will you care enough to change someone’s life? It could change yours.
And don’t forget—heart and mind.
Steve Frey is a writer and CEO of Ascendant Educational Services based in Radford.